Mornings

It's so fucking hot. It's almost 8 in the morning and here am I writing on my useless blog feeling useless. I woke up about 3:40 this morning and I'm not even sure why. First thing comes to my mind - 'fuck.' The next thing was - 'Is it 3am? Did a spirit wake me up?' I was a bit scared to check the time, but then to see it was already 3:40 I was relieved. Then I went back to my first thought of the day, 'Why am I awake?' I looked up at the air conditioning to see the temperature was down to 23 degrees , which was too hot for me. 'Maybe my body felt it was too hot for me to sleep' I thought, 'Let me put the temperature up.' I got the remote of my air conditioning and put it up to 19 and after a few minutes I felt the cooler air taking over my entire room.

I went back to my bed soft white bed that smelled like lavender and my own scent, closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Fail. I didn't get back to sleep. I was hungry and wide awake. It seemed like I was already asleep for so long when I slept about 11:50 last night after a long day of school and work. 'What the fuck is going on', I thought again. I opened my laptop, browsed for a bit and continued the unfinished episode of Shameless season 1 episode something-whatever. As soon as I finished the episode, I put my laptop to sleep again while I got my phone to check some messages and browsed some new applications from the App store.

I was aiming to find a really good camera or photo editing application, but they were just blergh.  I put down my phone and tried to sleep again. I closed my eyes, breathed deeply enough and relaxed every muscle, bone, vein, etc. of my body. All of a sudden, I felt a sting or some kind of crawling like inside my stomach. I was hungry. Oh god.

Lol the end.

A Tom Day day.

Music heals me. It sounds cliche but it really does, and at the same time it controls my mood, actions and way of thinking. For some odd reason, I felt like listening to ambient music and stumbled upon a very great artist called Tom Day. I am having mixed emotions, I don't know if I am feeling hopeful, or feel like crying. I just can't distinguish between the two and it's kind of frustrating.

I feel like doing something beautiful, like get on a bus, hop on a boat and go to an island and enjoy the gloomy weather and feel alive. The city is defying me, and it is eating me alive slowly than usual.

July is about to end soon and a new month is about to unfold. I'm sure new people will be coming into my life, parties to go to, adventures to happen and so on. Though I should be excited, I feel like it is too overwhelming that I am living my life so fast.

Imagining myself in a city where it is all grey and black. It's raining, and there I am standing in the middle of everyone walking pass by. As I space out, I imagine your face, your sweet delicate face with that annoyingly cute smile of yours. You standing out from the crowd, looking at me with such happiness. As I tear up not believing that you're actually there, then in a moment you smile at me once more, turn back and walk away.

Am I letting my life slip away so easily? or is it just the music talking?

Don't get me wrong, but I do seriously love my life. I am grateful to have a life like this. I have amazing people around me. It's just that sometimes, it is never enough. It will never be enough for all of us. We will never be content, we're going to want something more. That's just life. You can't have it all.

People say that you have to live the present - and what do I do? I have to freaking memorise some poem, buy some materials for homework, teach English to my students and spend time watching Law and Order: Special Victims Unit episodes. Can be depressing huh? But this the path that I chose, I made it happen to me.

Now I am getting annoyed by the fact that I am frustrating myself. I need to get to the shower, and start my day. Fuck the weather, fuck Mondays, fuck errands.





Thank you Tom Day.

Should

I should have more tops like these.

I should stop craving for fast food.

I should stop drinking soda.

I should have more inner peace.

Resort 2014 Looks

Theysken's Theory 

Roberto Cavalli 

Rachel Zoe

Alexander McQueen

Alexander Wang

Elie Saab

Paul & Joe

Chloe

Stella McCartney

Versace

Zac Posen

Style

Basically, these are my top favorite looks for Resort 2014. I am totally inspired to go shopping, or even just design my own garments. How about you? What are your favorite looks?