Monday, July 15, 2013
A Tom Day day.
Music heals me. It sounds cliche but it really does, and at the same time it controls my mood, actions and way of thinking. For some odd reason, I felt like listening to ambient music and stumbled upon a very great artist called Tom Day. I am having mixed emotions, I don't know if I am feeling hopeful, or feel like crying. I just can't distinguish between the two and it's kind of frustrating.
I feel like doing something beautiful, like get on a bus, hop on a boat and go to an island and enjoy the gloomy weather and feel alive. The city is defying me, and it is eating me alive slowly than usual.
July is about to end soon and a new month is about to unfold. I'm sure new people will be coming into my life, parties to go to, adventures to happen and so on. Though I should be excited, I feel like it is too overwhelming that I am living my life so fast.
Imagining myself in a city where it is all grey and black. It's raining, and there I am standing in the middle of everyone walking pass by. As I space out, I imagine your face, your sweet delicate face with that annoyingly cute smile of yours. You standing out from the crowd, looking at me with such happiness. As I tear up not believing that you're actually there, then in a moment you smile at me once more, turn back and walk away.
Am I letting my life slip away so easily? or is it just the music talking?
Don't get me wrong, but I do seriously love my life. I am grateful to have a life like this. I have amazing people around me. It's just that sometimes, it is never enough. It will never be enough for all of us. We will never be content, we're going to want something more. That's just life. You can't have it all.
People say that you have to live the present - and what do I do? I have to freaking memorise some poem, buy some materials for homework, teach English to my students and spend time watching Law and Order: Special Victims Unit episodes. Can be depressing huh? But this the path that I chose, I made it happen to me.
Now I am getting annoyed by the fact that I am frustrating myself. I need to get to the shower, and start my day. Fuck the weather, fuck Mondays, fuck errands.
Thank you Tom Day.