Currently huritng. Didn’t expect that I would be writing this here. Here I am sitting alone with all these thoughts in my head. Not stable enough to let my feelings out properly. Things just didn’t work out again this time. This was the chance that I have been waiting for. Not only I though, but also my best friends. To me, it also hurts the most not to see the man you’re starting to fall for to. We’ve been waiting for almost 16 months for this. The chance to finally see each other and finally be with each other just even a couple of weeks. It hurts so much. Bakit ganito ang sakit ng nararamdaman ko? We were almost there, it was just that one big step to take and it failed pa talaga. I’ve always asked, “How come every time we try to see each other, it would always fail? Something wrong would happen?” Alex replied, “It’s a test on how you two are willing to wait for each other.” Jeroen says, “We’re we not tested enough?”
Most of you will never understand me, unless you’ve been in this kind of situation. I agree with Jeroen that it is such a pity to meet each other in the internet. Honestly, we would never expect for liking each other. At first, he was just an “online companion” in other words, a chat mate. Then things started to grow into a deeper situation.
“How can you fall for someone you haven’t met?”
“Well, if you have been talking to that person for 16 months, everyday and almost every hour, wouldn’t you?”
Seriously, by just our conversations he actually knows me more than some of you. I share him my deepest thoughts and feelings that I couldn’t share to anyone. Sometimes, I would think that he would be the only who would understands me and not judge me. Trust is something he gained, and luckily I gained his. I am seriously falling in love with a guy who I haven’t met in person, but yet its as if I’ve known him forever.
We could be a legit couple already but we just haven’t met each other yet. And that hurts us the most. I just hate it when some people just don’t understand why we would want to go there so much. I, first of all, would love to go there because it would be a dream come true to go to a place that I’ve been dreaming of since I was a kid. Second, it is because of Jeroen. For Alex, it just the same as me, this is her dream as well.
I hope that some would just understand why am I hurting so badly. It just freaking hurts so bad.
"By the trees of Subic Bay I sat down and wept" Char.
To be continued...
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